Shoveling Smoke: November 2006

Monday, November 27, 2006

Done

Spent the last few hours putting a 15-page paper to bed. Still have some tweaking to do, but the story's been read, the lights are out, and the Boogeyman has been chased from the closet. 91 footnotes of fury, she is. Put together with the finesse of a Faberge egg and the strength of a Sherman tank. At least, I like to think so.

Of course, somehow that means I'll end up barely passing. Happens every time.

Also, my brain is tired, so consider this the final synapses of an exhausted mind.

Must. Stop. Thinking.

Good night.

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Sunday, November 26, 2006

Respite

Spent a lot of the Thanksgiving Break doing absolutely nothing. Consider this post to be a smorgasboard of leftovers- the Internet equivalent of a cold turkey sandwich, if you will.

Played some disc golf with my wife on Saturday- which was fun, until I threw my disc into a water hazard. Note: discs tend to sink in water.

I've noticed that a lot of stores are utilizing Santa in their commercials. Which is fine and all, but that all seem to denigrate Old Saint Nick's role in some way. One has him buying a diamond ring- if you even buy into the Santa mythology, wouldn't his elves make him one? Another has him coming home early, because apparently some store has taken his place. I don't know about you, but replacing Santa with a corporate entity doesn't exactly place warm fuzzies in the heart. Finally, another one has everyone oohing and aahing over the latest phones, while Santa's line at the mall sits empty. That one is just sad. Don't kids want ponies anymore? Or at least, want to believe in something bigger than themselves? Sigh. But I guess the phones play music, so all is forgiven. Grrr.

My father-in-law retired Saturday after working at the same place for 21 years. My wife and I bought him a bottle of Wild Turkey Rare Breed to celebrate the occasion. At the liquor store, the cashier asked if it would be credit or debit when we handed over the card. Note: if you use credit to buy alchohol, you might have a problem. Note #2: Has anyone else noticed how the person selling the liquor seems to know way too much about the product he's selling?

Apparently everyone went out and bought everything this weekend. Partially because the commercial culture has so brainwashed the masses to trigger buying after Thanksgiving, a non-Pavlovian response is no longer possible. I wonder if such was the case in the 1920s? Or the 50s? Or did corporate America simply create it out of thin air? Something tells me that Christmas used to be just a one-day event, instead of the month-long financial orgasm it has become. Sigh once more.

I really want to try to make some acorn bread. Apparently if you leech out the tannic acid, the things are pretty tasty. There's an oak tree in front of a courthouse near where I work that has cartoon acorns. They're almost too perfect. Like Disney animators penciled them in.

I've got semester exams coming up soon, and a small paper due Tuesday. I've laid the groundwork for the paper, but haven't really begun studying in earnest yet for exams. Luckily, 5.5 of my 15 hours this semester are pretty much already wrapped up, so they shouldn't weigh as much. Also, I get almost a week off to study for my final one, which should be the hardest.

Well, that's life from my neck of the woods. I'll attempt to post more regularly, now that my life resumes its normal schedule. Thanks for all the comments everybody- I'll respond to each in the next few days.

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Monday, November 20, 2006

Exposition

I'm always fascinated with where TV producers decide to place their series. So much of a series' storyline generally revolves around the exposition; as a result, the decision can help determine the success rate of a series. Below I've listed the 50 states and coupled the ones I could think of off the top of my head with a TV show that was (predominately) located within its borders. Feel free to help me complete the list.

AL: Any Day Now
AK: Northern Exposure
AZ: ______________
AR: ______________
CA: Full House, C-H-I-P-S?
CO: South Park
CT: Judging Amy, Who's the Boss?
DC: West Wing
DE: ______________
FL: CSI: Miami; Miami Vice
GA: Designing Women
HI: Hawaii 5-0
ID: ______________
IL: Family Matters, Chicago Hope
IN: Close to Home
IA: ______________
KS: Jericho, Smallville
KY: Dukes of Hazzard
LA: ______________
ME: Murder, She Wrote
MD: Homicide: Life on the Street
MA: Cheers, Boston Legal
MI: Home Improvement
MN: Coach
MS: In the Heat of the Night
MO: The John Laroquette Show
MT: _____________
NE: _____________
NV: CSI, Las Vegas
NH: _____________
NJ: The Sopranos
NM: Roswell
NY: Everybody Loves Raymond, CSI: NY
NC: The Andy Griffith Show
ND: ______________
OH: Drew Carey Show, WKRP Cincinnati
OK: ______________
OR: ______________
PA: The Class, The Office
RI: Providence, Family Guy
SC: _______________
SD: _______________
TN: Petticoat Junction
TX: Friday Night Lights
UT: Big Love
VT: NewHart
VA: A Different World, Alias, The Waltons
WA: Frasier, Grey's Anatomy
WV: Hawkins
WI: That 70's Show
WY: _______________

Was Dukes of Hazzard in Kentucky or West Virginia? Is there a real difference between the two? (Just kidding, Fish.) In what state was NewHart set? Zuska, you work around D.C., right? Try to fill in some of the mid-Atlantic gaps. Hey Brian, you're about to take the Alabama bar. At some point in television history, a show had to be set in Tuscaloosa or Birmingham. Where's Hillman College at from A Different World? And don't worry, Lisa Hutch, I'm well aware of the fact that most of our shows are actually filmed in Vancouver.

EDIT: Thanks to Fish and Brian, we've managed to expand the list. Only 17 out of 50 states remain. I'll pick up the search... keep sending in your comments!

EDIT REDUX: Added Alabama and West Virginia, thanks to some recent tips. Only 15 states left!

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Friday, November 17, 2006

Love


I met my wife while working at a daycare during the summer- I was charged with keeping the afterschoolers entertained, and she watched over the nursery.


Over the few months we worked together, we started spending more and more time together at work- finding reasons to bump into each other in the hall, etc.


To make a long story somewhat short, one Friday night I received a call from my sister, telling me that my (future) wife wanted to meet me at the daycare.


It was there- amongst the plastic playground equipment with safety-rounded edges, that we fell in love. We talked for hours, and when we eventually kissed, the words "I love you," fell abruptly and unceremoniously from my mouth. It was one of the few times in my Asperger-ridden life that the filter was ripped clean off its hinges, and the words sprung clean and unadulterated from my lips.


I waited in sheer terror for what seemed like an eternity (but must what have been half a second) until she said she loved me too.


And that was it. No streamers, no gondola in Venice or Eiffel Tower in Paris- but it was love.


Later, when I have children, I suppose they'll ask me how they know they're in love.


I'll tell them that the surest sign of love occurs after that magical moment. It happens every time you take the smallest amount of time to stare into their eyes- at that moment, you're transported back in time, to when it all began. All the hard weeks and tribulations you've faced melt like snow, and love emerges unscathed and ready to battle the harships of life.


So it is with me and my wife. With our schedules, it is sometimes difficult to spend quality time with one another. Reconnecting takes a modicum of effort, but sometimes even that's too much to give. Yet, when we do spend time together- on a date, walking a nature trail, etc.- we quickly become too bumbling kids without a care in the world.


Sounds small, but that's the difference between a happy marriage and divorce. Those who divorce either can't or won't find a way to renew the connection. For those truly in love, the connection is so easy to recreate (and bolster) that divorce is inconceivable. If one of us ever filed papers, we'd fall in love all over again while arguing over who gets what.


Here's hoping my readers have that kind of love for somebody- there's nothing on earth like it. I would liken it to a paradise. Mine is covered with autumn leaves and playground swings, and I visit it every time I look into my wife's eyes.


You can keep Paris.

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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Morality

I was perusing my weekly copy of Time magazine a few days ago, and I found an interesting debate concerning evolution versus creationism. The main point on the creation side was somewhat intriguing- the fellow asked how morality could be quantified without the inherent admission that a Creator was responsible for our existence?

I did a quick look on dictionary.com and found three different definitions for morality. All had to do with a subjective slant on standards, and one even used the phrase "good and evil," which I thought to be a bit much.

But here's the point- if there is no supreme arbiter who sets the standards for moral conduct, who are we to say what is moral or immoral? Why is saving someone's life better than drowning a puppy? I think most would answer "because the majority says it is," but I don't find that to be a satisfactory answer. Several periods throughout history (Salem Witch Trials, Nazi Germany, etc.) prove that society can rapidly devolve into chaos. If the entire world decided "to hell with it," would that be the new morality? I hope that what is "good" and "evil" is not subject to the vagaries of public sentiment. I would also hope that causing others to suffer simply to derive pleasure from that suffering would never be a good thing.

Evolutionists suggest that basic morality exists because we've realized it's necessary in order to form an efficient society- which in turn, benefits the individual. Thus, morality hinges on a sense of reason and the capacity for higher intelligence. The Neanderthal who was mean to everyone probably didn't get to share in the harvest when his crops failed, thus we've evolved to share resources.

I don't disagree with that, but I find it troubling. Because if one accepts that logic, it becomes clear that all morality is essentially based on selfish desires. We give to the homeless so our stature will be increased in society. We obey traffic laws so our record will be clean, not to protect other drivers. We're nice to others not to be nice, but so they might be nice to us later.

What this theory fails to take into consideration is the fact that humans are capable of truly selfless acts. The soldier who falls on a grenade to save his comrades isn't thinking self-preservation; he's thinking of helping others. Some people pick up litter, even when no one's watching. Those examples don't appear to be based on evolutionary principles. They are simply good deeds, one which a pure evolutionary approach can't seem to explain away.

For the record, I find much of evolution appealing- natural selection makes a ton of sense. The slow squirrel gets eaten and the fast squirrel gets to make fast squirrel babies. No argument there. Not to mention the fact that I think there are several possible ways to enjoin the debate by combining the two theories. So please don't take this as a slam on evolution, but more as a representation of my internal thought patterns on this complicated topic.

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Beta

I recently was invited to switch to Blogger Beta. By "invited," I mean prompted when I attempted to log in. I'm not sure if it was a consensual decision, however, because the prompt made it clear that the goons were lurking in the background.

It seems to be about the same program, only I've noticed the return of the NavBar. I'm debating whether or not to keep it (if I can even find out how to make it disappear) but thankfully I figured out how to lower my Blog title with the "break" tag.

Another detriment is that I can't comment on non-Beta blogs. They promise it's coming soon, however. Which I don't doubt. Because it's obvious that this Beta business is their new venture. In time, all blogs will become Beta-blogs. How do I know that? Because Google is involved.

I'm no business major, but I'm pretty sure that Google is the Internet equivalent of the Beatles. Or Elvis. If Google calls you up about a buy-out/partnership deal, you don't say no.

And while I don't dislike Google per se, I do feel a slight monopolistic caution, somewhere in the range of Microsoft and Wal-mart. Once a company- in any commercial endeavor- becomes too powerful, it's difficult for other companies to compete. And without competition, you have price-fixing and a lack of innovation.

Of course, the democratic and free-wheeling aspect of the Internet may make the analogy somewhat weak. At least, I hope so.

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Monday, November 13, 2006

Marriage

Today in my Constitutional Law class we discussed the issue of same-sex marriages.

I volunteered, mostly to avoid being cold called later, but also to espouse my opinions on the matter.

I believe that the State wrongly usurped the Church's power to perform marriage ceremonies somewhere in the far past. I think this was done because the State, fearing the Church's ability to regulate that aspect of society, wanted a piece of the authoritarian pie. Placing the realm of marriage under state control allowed the government to stick their noses even further into other people's business- which is what the government is best at, it appears.

That said, nobody really cared when this occurred, because nothing really changed. At least, they thought nothing changed. But beneath the surface, the entire process had become different- what had been an intensely spiritual and religious event became nothing more than an entry in the county court's register. Of course, for some, the old traditions still remained intact- but the omnipresent state hung around like an unwanted and uninvited guest, knowing full well that his recognition of the marriage was needed in order for it to take full legal effect.

Regardless of whether or not you're a religious person, imagine what a marriage means to the followers of religion. They're making a vow before their beloved and (what they believe, at least) a higher power. Is that really something that can be enforced/ratified by a state power? I daresay not. To borrow a phrase from Lincoln, the state's "poor power to add or detract" renders the exercise moot. It's like the FAA giving a meteor permission to land, or NOAA sanctioning a tornado for excessive violence.

Regardless, for hundreds of years, this link between the sacramental world of religion and the secular world of government persisted. No one cared until people of the same sex began trying to get married. There became two choices: (a) ban same-sex marriages and uphold the religious foundation of marriage, or (b) allow same-sex marriage and uphold the right of consenting adults to ratify their very personal decisions. Both choices mostly sucked, because choosing one meant subverting either (a) a most hallowed religious and cultural tradition, or (b) destroying a fundamental right to freedom.

The madness will only stop when the government realizes that it has no legal right, nor moral authority, to "marry" its citizens, regardless of sexual orientation. Those of faith can get married in a church, and the rest of the populace can get "unionized," "merged," or have their life contracts notarized by the Judge of Social Partner Coalescence. People could enter five-year renewable contracts, contingent on both individuals marching down to the courthouse to re-sign the papers. Of course, those who want to can do both- if the church (assuming the state action would be almost automatic, like getting a car tag) will allow it.

One last note to ease those zealots who lose sleep at night over the fact that Tom and Tim might get married, and then I'll put the reins to this ranting and wild horse. The name of the union is immaterial, even if it's called a "marriage." Those who lack the right to deem something cannot change that fact by merely invoking the words. We are not magic. No matter how hard I say it, I simply cannot change water to fire by calling it fire.

Marriages- true marriages- only take place in a religious structure and/or with a religious leader of some type present. At the very least, there is a mention of some sort of Deity, and a pledge of love that goes far beyond any legally recognized stardard of care. Of course, its terms (in a contract sense) would be considered unconscionable. The act isn't legally recognizable, and was never meant to be as such.

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Thursday, November 09, 2006

Politics

Although the frenetic pace of the Internet renders all news over 24 hours old stale and ancient, I thought I would comment on the recent midterm elections.

As everyone with half a brain knows by now, the Democratic Party has recently gained control of Congress.

I tend to be apolitical on this blog, choosing instead to focus on the larger scheme of things than subjects as trivial as party politics. Instead, I thought I'd focus on the process itself, and some of the environmental factors relevant to that process.

Democracy is largely a good thing. People vote how they want, and the person with the most votes wins. It's certainly not a perfect system, but it's the best one we've got. Throw in the concept of checks and balances, and you've got a political system that's been fairly stable for the last two centuries.

Time has shown that political parties in the American system wax and wane with amazing regularity. The majority of them, when viewed through a historical lens, have failed. Thus, Americans have not only elected politicians from political parties; they have also determined the viability of the parties themselves.

I imagine the typical voter chooses the individual who most agrees with his or her viewpoints, i.e. notions on how society should be run. These viewpoints are necessarily grand notions, ranging the gamut of everything pertinent and germane to the organization of a free people. The list is practically endless- taxation, social security, public services, etc.

The inherent weakness in a two-party political process is that the average person makes their selection not by determining who is most like them, but instead by settling on the individual who is the least not like them. This is a sad, yet practical reality of our existence as a voter. All too often, the choice is one of weighing differences, instead of comparing commonalities.

This event arises due to the fact that the attempt to place the range of human philosophies into two distinct camps is patently absurd in its application; we are too varied to be so easily categorized, boxed and shelved. Yet we sacrifice our nobilities and personal preferences in the name of efficiency, predictability, and tradition.

Even more disheartening is the fact that recent elections illuminate the fact that the country is evenly split along party lines. Of course, consensus is not necessarily a sign of strength, nor truth. But the recent clear split in American politics illuminates a situation where either the American populace has reached a philosophical fork in the road, or one where the citizenry has settled in the middle, and are forced to choose a boat to either shore.

Imagine an individual who falls in the exact middle on every single political issue. Who is he to vote for? How should he vote? If he does not vote, his opinion is wasted. If he does vote, he skews his opinion. Is one better than the other? Of course, such a man hardly exists, but there are millions who fall so close to that line that any attempt to hazard a guess as to which side they fall would be a mere guess. The average American, it is safe to say, has little in common with either George Bush or Nancy Pelosi. Yet they are both in the highest echelons of governmental power; only a two-party system could produce such a result.

Our democracy is representative; its viability hinges on the existence of candidates who viably represent the electorate's views. Otherwise, we have government buildings full of straw men in suits.

There are safeguards, of course, but the parties in power have weakened their applicability. If there's anything Republicans and Democrats hate equally, it's a viable third-party candidate in a national election. Like a close-knit family, they spar and bicker with one another, but will rally to defeat outsiders. For an outsider threatens to destroy the very ring they compete in- the ring they've created. The news channels purport to carry out this fiction, focusing so much on the Republican v. Democratic contests that we lose sight of the fact that it's possible to have other competitors. We've been inculcated to instantly distrust "independent" candidates, even though our very republic was founded on the idea that we could support ourselves.

It appears as if the process has devolved into a tipsy coachmen- one that bumbles toward its eventual goal, as opposed to sprinting toward it. Republicans push one way, Democrats push another, and we end up somewhere in the middle. The process occurs again and again. We move thousands of miles, yet only travel an inch.

Regardless of your personal opinions regarding the midterms, I think the more fundamental (and far more interesting) question focuses on the actual democratic process as it exists today, and whether or not such a system can continue to work. I don't know the answer to that question, but that doesn't stop me from raising it.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Hiatus

I'd made an unspoken promise to myself that I would post everyday on this blog.

Road to hell, and all that.

Mostly, though, I blame a law school project that shouldn't have taken this long. Considering it's pass/fail, I think we put way too much time in it- time that could have been better spent studying for exams or sleeping, for instance.

That said, it's done. We turn it in tomorrow. With more free time, perhaps I'll be able to explain my plans to fix my car (HINT: think clothespin) and how I drug myself to church for the first time in over a year.

I can practically hear everyone sitting on the edges of their seats.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Meaning

Today in Evidence class, the first two words out of the professor's mouth were "Mr. My Last Name."

Spooky.

Here's the thing- we just finished up midterms last Wednesday. Am I to take this particular brand of happenstance as a sign that I did really well on the midterm, or that my understanding of the concept of hearsay reaches comically hideous proportions? Or, it just a fluke? A coincidence meant to pester me until the end of time?

At least I (mostly) knew the answer.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Denouement

After I turn in another pesky project tomorrow, there shouldn't be much left until exams. First semester of second year was a doozy; they threw a lot of stuff at us. Appellate Advocacy sucked up gobs and gobs of time; small projects here and there kept us off-balance; the Evidence midterm wasted a full day.

Wait- I just remembered I have a paper due in Electronic Research Seminar soon.

Oh well. I do know this, though- I'm looking forward to Christmas Break.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Weekend

I love this part of the week- right before work ends on Friday afternoon, knowing that you have the next two days to do pretty much nothing.

It's almost better than the weekend itself.

Almost.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Panic

I believe that in no circumstance does it make sense to panic. Most people panic because they believe, at least subconsciously, that to do so will make the situation better. They resort to their animalistic instincts, and throw all reason and imagination out the window. Which, in turn, makes the situation worse. Which creates more panic. For examples, just look the banking panic that caused the Great Depression or the Salem Witch Trials. History itself is replete with frenetic and unwarranted bouts of panic.

Regardless of an individual's beliefs concerning the origin of our species, most will agree that our greatest human strengths center around our ability to reason, imagine, and create. Sure, animals think, but to compare their cognitive processes with ours is to compare a paper airplane to a 747. Different ballparks, different leagues- different cities, even.

That said, when the moment of crisis is forced upon us, it makes sense to rely on our greatest strengths. It seems counterintuitive, but the best plan is to act with the demeanor of a man who is ordering a ham sandwich.

Of course, rational behavior does not necessarily mean static behavior. If it is rationally prudent, by all means run. But have an idea of where to run and what to do when you get there. Weigh the odds of success and plan your next move ahead of time. Don't simply scream and hope for the best.

In the horror movies, people almost always die because they panic. Of course, this makes for a good movie. Unfortunately, it's also a reason why many people die in real life. Panic reduces us to animals, and almost never benefits us in a situation.

The movie that best encapsulated this philosophy was The Bourne Supremacy. Even while being chased by the police, he calmly studied the floorplan while listening in on their conversation. He knew that information was more valuable than the precious seconds he would get from simply running. However, he only realized that because he stopped to think about the situation.

Imagine the chaos that would ensue if people did everyday things in panic mode. Calling a friend. Ordering a pizza. Driving around town. Performing surgery. If panic is not a good option for those activities, how can it be a good option when we face the larger tests?

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Compass

We desire things full of speed
Roaring in their might-
Yet the truth crawls on its hands and knees
Content to leave the fight.

Smaller and sophisticated
Gadgets please the eye-
Yet the truth is uneducated
And larger than the sky.

We desire fancy works of art
That sparkle in the light-
Yet truth is found within the heart
Throughout the darkest night.

To find these things most loathe to lose-
Trinkets of wealth and fame-
First set your compass on the Truth
Then turn the other way.


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